Key Takeaway: Studies show a 27% decrease in match acceptance when browsing many profiles. 78% of dating app users report burnout. The solution? Focus on one match at a time -- a principle validated by both modern research and 3,000 years of Jewish matchmaking wisdom.
In an age where dating apps offer endless possibilities at our fingertips, a growing body of research suggests that having more options doesn't lead to better outcomes. In fact, the opposite appears to be true. Studies show that focusing on one potential partner at a time -- an approach that echoes ancient Jewish matchmaking wisdom -- leads to deeper connections, greater satisfaction, and more successful relationships.
The Paradox of Choice: When More Becomes Less
The concept of "choice overload" was famously demonstrated in a 2000 study by psychologists Sheena Iyengar and Mark Lepper. In their experiment, grocery store shoppers were presented with either 6 or 24 varieties of jam. While 20% more customers were drawn to the larger display, only 3% actually purchased jam -- compared to 30% at the smaller display. The abundance of choice led to decision paralysis.
This phenomenon, popularized by psychologist Barry Schwartz in his book "The Paradox of Choice," has profound implications for modern dating. As Schwartz explains, too much choice causes "less happiness, less satisfaction, and can even lead to paralysis."
A landmark 2020 study by Pronk and Denissen, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, applied this directly to online dating. They found that "the continued access to virtually unlimited potential partners makes people more pessimistic and rejecting." Participants who viewed many profiles showed a 27% decrease in their likelihood of accepting a potential match from their first viewing to their last.
Dating App Burnout: A Modern Epidemic
The consequences of choice overload extend beyond decision-making. A 2024 Forbes Health survey of 1,000 Americans revealed alarming statistics about the emotional toll of dating apps:
- 78% of dating app users report experiencing burnout -- feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted
- 79% of Millennials and Gen Z report this exhaustion
- 40% cite "inability to find a good connection" as the primary cause
- Users spend an average of 50+ minutes daily on dating apps
- 1 in 3 individuals agree they need counseling after online dating
Academic research published in 2024 by Sharabi, Von Feldt, and Ha confirmed that dating app users experience "increased emotional exhaustion and inefficacy over time," with depression, anxiety, and loneliness predicting greater burnout. The researchers concluded that "dating apps may exacerbate existing difficulties with relationship initiation among vulnerable users."
The industry data tells a stark story: According to AppsFlyer, 69% of dating apps downloaded in 2025 were deleted within a month -- up from 65% in 2024. Match Group, owner of Tinder, Hinge, and others, has seen Tinder's revenue decline 3% year-over-year, with paying users dropping by 7%.
Ancient Wisdom: The Shidduch Approach
Long before psychology identified these patterns, Jewish tradition developed an approach to matchmaking that prioritizes quality over quantity. The shidduch system, used in religious Jewish communities for centuries, focuses on one match at a time -- and the research increasingly validates this approach.
"Forty days before an embryo is formed, a divine voice declares: 'this person's daughter is destined to marry that boy!'"
-- Talmud, Sotah 2a
The concept of "bashert" -- Yiddish for "destiny" -- represents the Jewish belief in a divinely intended spouse. According to Kabbalistic teachings, a soul is divided before birth into male and female halves, which are reunited in marriage. The Nachmanides explains that "God takes the soul whose time has come for it to enter into this world, and separates it into two halves, placing one half in the male and one half in the female."
In the shidduch system, extensive research is conducted before a couple even meets. According to Chabad.org, "Many inquiries have been made about the young people's life experience, family background, level of religious observance, temperament, interests, etc. If they even meet each other, it's because several people think that there's good potential for them to complement each other."
This approach means that "a lot of the discovery that takes place in the first months and years of other relationships happens before these couples meet for the first time." The focus isn't on finding the perfect person among thousands -- it's on giving one well-vetted match the attention and effort it deserves.
The Science of Commitment and Satisfaction
Modern research on relationship satisfaction supports this focused approach. A 10-year longitudinal study from the University of Zurich (2011-2021) following 368 couples found that those with "high initial and relatively stable relationship satisfaction reported the most favorable outcomes -- more positive affect, better mental health, and higher life satisfaction."
The Investment Model, developed by researchers studying commitment, suggests that relationship satisfaction grows as investments increase while perceived quality of alternatives decreases. In other words, when we stop comparing our partner to imagined alternatives, we invest more deeply -- and satisfaction follows.
"What keeps a couple together is not just 'love,' but 'a commitment to love.' Love expresses what you feel; commitment states what you promise to do."
-- Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks z"l
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, the late Chief Rabbi of the UK, emphasized that marriage requires more than just emotion -- it requires dedication. He taught that "the family -- man, woman, and child -- is not one lifestyle choice among many. It is the best means we have yet discovered for nurturing future generations and enabling children to grow in a matrix of stability and love."
Slow Dating: A Modern Return to Wisdom
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the dating world is beginning to course-correct. "Slow dating" has emerged as one of the biggest dating trends of 2025 -- an approach that mirrors the principles of traditional matchmaking.
Slow dating means "taking your time to build deeper and more meaningful connections instead of racing through the usual 'three dates and done' approach." It's about being intentional, valuing quality over quantity, and recognizing that love doesn't need to follow a timeline.
According to relationship experts, couples who choose slow dating "often report greater satisfaction, because they build relationships on trust and understanding." Psychologists agree that "taking it slow fosters emotional safety and builds trust. When we allow a relationship to unfold instead of forcing instant intimacy, we reduce burnout, increase self-awareness, and prioritize genuine compatibility."
Interestingly, Gen Z -- often stereotyped for short attention spans -- is leading this movement. They are "consciously redefining modern dating, choosing to prioritize emotional depth over the superficiality of swipe culture."
What This Means for You
The convergence of ancient wisdom and modern science points to a clear conclusion: focusing on one match at a time isn't limiting -- it's liberating. It frees you from the exhausting cycle of endless swiping, the anxiety of constant comparison, and the burnout that comes from treating relationships like a numbers game.
The research suggests that an "ideal" set of potential partners consists of 20-50 options at most -- and even then, evaluating them one at a time leads to better decisions. Beyond this range, we enter the territory of choice overload, where more options lead to worse outcomes.
As Rabbi Sacks beautifully put it: "There is a deep connection between monotheism and monogamy, just as there is, in the opposite direction, between idolatry and adultery. Monotheism and monogamy are about the all-embracing relationship between I and Thou, myself and one other."
Whether you're guided by faith, science, or simply the desire for a meaningful relationship, the message is the same: give each potential match the attention they deserve. Turn off the endless notifications. Stop the constant comparing. And allow yourself to truly know one person before moving on to the next. Your bashert -- your destined one -- might just be waiting for you to slow down enough to notice them.
Sources & Further Reading
- Pronk & Denissen (2020) - "A Rejection Mind-Set: Choice Overload in Online Dating" - Social Psychological and Personality Science
- Forbes Health Survey (2024) - Dating App Burnout Statistics
- Sharabi, Von Feldt & Ha (2024) - "Susceptibility to Dating App Burnout Over Time"
- Chabad.org - "The Shidduch: How Jewish Dating Works"
- Chabad.org - "What Does Bashert Mean?"
- University of Zurich (2024) - 10-Year Longitudinal Study on Relationship Satisfaction
- Rabbi Sacks - "Single Best Secret to a Happy Relationship"
- Fashion Weekly - "Slow Dating: The Biggest Love Trend of 2025"
About Shiduchim
Shiduchim is a modern matchmaking app designed for the religious and traditional Jewish community. We combine traditional shidduch values with intelligent matching technology to help Jewish singles find their bashert -- one meaningful connection at a time.
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